This is the remix..

long time since these rusted keys have been moved.

: firefly_city; February 9th, 14:26

Current Mood:: working

Wow, its really been forever since I have used this thing. I went back and read this and was amazed at how old I really feel. My birthday is coming up next month and I'm going to be the big 24! Ahh not really looking forward to that. But, a lot of things are different, different in a good way.

yep

: firefly_city; November 11th, 2005

todays moving day!

rock!

: firefly_city; August 11th, 2005

Rise against has a video for 'swing life away' its strange.

(no subject)

: firefly_city; August 11th, 2005

Current Mood:: high

Current Music:: hot hot heat

I feel so driven today and I want to work somewhere that has promise. I hate my work place, I hate my job. it just sucks. this job is a dead end and even if this job is just for the summer, I still feel like i'm wasting my time. I have worked there since the age of sixteen. I should have moved on by now.

oh well, what new. I'm have a blast singing out of key in my room, sipping on green tea and dancing to the music.

life is good some days.

xoxo

and I will be depressed...

: firefly_city; August 7th, 2005

.and I morn what use to be. see. I looked at myself just from january. what the fuck happened? i'M so fat now and its depressing me.I hate it I looked so much better. what happed to me. whatever it is I fucking hate it. hate. I want to die. die looking at my old self. I gained like 30 lbs. hate hate and I wish death.
i do not love myself

(no subject)

: firefly_city; August 6th, 2005

Current Mood:: drunk

getting wasted.

kyle kyle. ?? I need to see you.

: firefly_city; July 29th, 2005

Current Mood:: drunk

If words could explain what i'm feeling now, but they can't. I so fucking pumped to see your beautiful face. I want to scream and cry and just protest the next day, so it will be saturday. I don't know what i'm going to do when I see your face. I am I am ready to sleep until saturday. god please get here soon.

when you come back we'll have to make new love...

to a T

: firefly_city; July 28th, 2005

Current Mood:: loved

Current Music:: blondie - parallel lines

Venus Conjunct Mars with an orb between 1 and 3 degrees

Yours was not a happy childhood and, while there is nothing you want more than a close love relationship, you may also fear it. You probably have an active sex life but may have some discomfort acknowledging feelings of love, dependence or vulnerability.

Sun Square Uranus with an orb between 1 and 3 degrees

You are restless and independent and, no matter how close you become to someone, you always remain your own person and there is a part of yourself you cannot share. You are uncompromisingly true to your convictions which must be shared by those close to you.

Mercury Trine Saturn with an orb between 1 and 3 degrees

You are extremely well-organized and anyone who isn't equally so would annoy you. You are also very practical and fond of routine. A madcap type you couldn't depend on would ultimately make you miserable - no matter how intense the initial emotional attraction.

Mercury Square Neptune with an orb between 3 and 5 degrees

Your imagination is so powerful that, if you don't have a strong creative or spiritual outlet, you may at times be over-influenced by your own fantasies or those of others. Beware of gullibility. In the long run, telling the truth is in your best interest.

Venus Trine Uranus with an orb between 3 and 5 degrees

There is nothing humdrum about the way that you love. You have a flair for the unusual and the creative and are drawn to those who shun the conventional. You shy away from those who tend to be over-possessive. Your love affairs are also wonderful friendships.

(no subject)

: firefly_city; June 1st, 2005

I way to sccream schools out for the summer!

And then I saw right through you.

: firefly_city; May 12th, 2005

Current Mood:: listless

Current Music:: the vacum lady

You're all the same, your words are just a hopeless sad attempt to save your lying soul. Its sad really, sad that I would fall for your lies and deceit. I feel wiser now, but I really did fuck myself over.

Why in the world did I fuck you. Its been about three months and I still find myself looking at you sometimes. Looking past the lies you feed me and guess what i'm the only stupid one now. bet that makes you feel good. or maybe i'm just another number in your book. I guess its nice to be a number right? Well, not to me. You weren't a number to me.

I will rise.

Feelin' good.

: firefly_city; May 1st, 2005

Current Mood:: content

Current Music:: eisley

I have only smoked 11 cigarettes in the last 3 days and hopefully by next week i'll be done all together. I am cutting down my intake each day and by the second week I should be Smoke FREE. Main reason why is, I have been working out every morning over at Baker and I can hardly breathe. Also it would be nice to save 40 bucks a weeks. That a lot and it really adds up. So, bare with me if i'm a bitch. My RA lindsey said she is going to buy me something every week I don't smoke.

well, I have phone calls to return and homework to do.

Also the football game is today and I told PJ that i'd come. Shit should find out what time it is..

<3

Kendahl

I have a crush!

: firefly_city; April 27th, 2005

People stare at computer screens all day, eat lunch at their desks, plan their daily schedules on hand-held devices, and make "play dates" for their children. Obsessed with becoming richer, thinner, more successful and, implausibly, even younger, millions of us deprive ourselves on a daily basis of the one thing we misguidedly believe we are rushing towad - the good life.

Sick as a dog...

: firefly_city; February 11th, 2005

Current Mood:: sad

I hope I don't croak in my sleep, I have such a high fever and I wish my mommy was here to take care of me. I feel so all alone. I have taken in the last four hours the following: alive all day cold and sinus, 4 IBP and one dose of nyquil. I just took the nyquil, so I should be passing out soon. I feel lame everyone else has so much engery and is running around drunk. I can't even smoke a cigarette or step out side without my lungs closing. Fuck this sucks.

Kdyrt.

This just made me cry

: firefly_city; February 8th, 2005

Current Mood:: sad

Current Music:: taking back sunday - your so last summer

Kendahl,

What I realized is that the negativity in other people really hurts me in ways that I'm not sure I can explain.
this is how i feel about you.
for me, it's not negative thinking, it hurts me so much to watch how much you've been letting alcohol consume you.

i know you're tired of hearing about it, but i can't just let it go. i love you so fucking much and it kills be to see what you're letting take over your life. i know you don't realize this right now, and you won't realize it until you hit rock bottom, but that's what scares me the most. i don't know what rock bottom is and i don't ever want to see it. you are such a beautiful girl and i remember not to long ago, before you left for school, you had so much ambition, you were positive, filled with confidence, happy, loosing weight, and simply everything i could hope for you.

i'm so worried about you kendahl. i know it's your life, your decisions, but i can't help it. you're my sister, okay? i love you like my sister, okay? and i really wish you would consider going to those meetings with me. if you think about it, there's not one negative effect from it. not one. even if you don't gain anything from it, you didnt' loose anything either. please, just think about it. think about your future, what you don't want to turn into and think about getting away from the negative energy.

please, kendahl. i love you to fucking much. please.

It brings about physical pain, a dull ache in my bones. It makes my brain tired and my eyes sad. I just don't understand it at all. Maybe I'm just too sensitive, but I crave honesty.

and this is honesty, straight from me to you.

-Suzanne.

What the fuck happened to me?!?

I feel so comfortable with the new me. Its hard to go back two steps.

thanks for caring it means a lot too me.

1 <3 u!